The Parent Trap

I'm entering another touchy topic here, one that is culturally sensitive on top of being entirely subjective depending on which side you come from, if any. If you're a teacher in the states, you might know a little about helicopter parenting just from having to talk or apease parents back home. I've had my own share of name calling and rudeness from parents whose "little babies would never do anything wrong!" and whose little babies were, in actuality, horrible teenagers who did no work and constantly misbehaved. But in that case, if your a teacher at a public school, you maybe get one or two of these insulting adults who think they can be better at your job than you are.

This article is about the extreme:

Funny... yet also true.

Hogwan parents.

Yes. Bold, underlined and in a different size. If you are headed for Korea, have a job lined up at a Hogwan (private school) teaching English to youngsters, one of the biggest job hazzards you will find here are the moms and dads. Mostly moms.

What are you doing now, billy? How about now? Now?

I'll open with a story told to me by my boss, a Korean woman who stands very well in between western and korean cultures... enough to make assessments that are multi-sided. (Names are changed to protect the innocent.).

"Jessie, you will not believe this, but I will tell you. Joseph's mom... she was cooking late one night, it was probably 7:00 or 8:00 at night. And she realizes as she is cooking that the students in your class are suffering in their grades because Adam is disruptive. She realizes to herself that Adam needs to leave the school in order for the other students to learn. The school closed at 6. She calls Ms. Lee, the school director and tells her she needs to have a meeting at the school right away. Ms. Lee drives over to the school and has to calm Joseph's mom down so she won't take Joseph out of the school. At 8:00 at night. Can you believe it?"

Nope. I can't. But it's true. I've confirmed it. And had it followed up by a million other incedents following that.

It'sJune here in South Korea... and for some reason, iSponge suffers the season of either terrible drops in enrollment or awesome levels of new students. I'm not sure if its the weather or what but i'm sure about one thing. Parents here are NEVER HAPPY.

Okay, Timmy, can you say "The logic of the parent-child dynamic is synonymous with the fiction of disciplinary boundaries"? There's a good lad.

I'm not just complaining this time, or being over-dramatic, this I promise you. Feel free to google an article about it sometime if you don't believe me, but here it is from the mouth of a grumpy expat who sometimes just can't stand the abuse teachers and admin get from the parents of the children we teach.

The fact of the matter is this. Universities here are exceedingly competitive. Most Korean kids, Elementary to High School, go to school from sun up until well after sundown. Believe it or not, one of the number one causes of suicide here in Korea is overworking. The teens are pushed to their limit. The result of a highly intense educational system and the shotgun-style  forward push for westernization from this tiny country is an over abundance of English schools all over South Korea. Thats why the job market here is so hot, English teachers are needed fiercely. Great for us, not so much for the kids because the kids are... 4 years old in American age.

College bound!

Thats right. over half the kids I teach would be considered only 4 years old in America. They come and go to school for hours during the day... there is no nap-time, and if its a normal school (not a hogwan like iSponge) there is no playtime either.

So on to the parents.

I had an interesting situation yesterday where one of my husband's students, Sarah, had a mini break down. The students will be participating in a speech contest at the end of the month and the pressure is on. Sarah already has many anxiety issues and, being five, is exceedingly sensitive. She doesn't like to practice her speech in front of other people. Unfortunately, her mother showed up at the wrong time, and made her even more nervous. She refused to do her speech. Somewhere between refusing to do her speech and leaving the room (I wasn't there for the interval) she was guilted so badly by both my boss and her mom that she broke into tears, started hyperventilating and cried for a half hour. Then, She was brought back inside and told once more to do her speech while her mother watched. My boss told her in English that she was being a baby and that her mother was very dissapointed with her, then left. Curtis and I picked up the pieces, carried her upstairs, gave her some milk and held her for 45 minutes until she calmed down.

Folks, that's an honest to goodness picture of a distressed child who cried herself to sleep on my husband's shoulder.

Now, I'd like to say this wasn't typical, but situations like this happen more and more as the year progresses. I have a five year old student, Max, who speaks full English, but is so afraid of his mother, he won't speak English around her. Then, my co-teacher gets calls everyother day complaining that max's English is not improving. I am required now to take videos of Max reading and speaking English to send to his mother on a regular basis.

You know what? To make this faster, I'm just going to make a list of the crazy things I am required to do to apease parents.

1. Pose the students 3-4 times a week for pictures to make it look like they are doing something creative and challenging.

Main Complaints: Not enough pictures of students, not the right pose and  "My son's hair looks terrible in this picture!"

2. Phone speaking every other week where the parents sit and record their students as they speak to me on speaker phone.

Main Complaints: Conversation is not long enough, students won't speak (thats my fault of course, it has nothing to do with the fact that their mothers are at their backs recording them).

3. Constantly be on camera while teaching so that parents can come in and sit and watch me downstairs in the waiting area.

Main Complaints: Can't see the child on camera because he/she is at the wrong angle, Child is being helped too much by teacher, Child is not being helped enough by teacher (made by same parent as previous comment). Can't hear the chid (well, duh, there's no audio).

4. Perfectly check the students workbooks. By perfectly, I mean your marks have to be exactly what the parents want. This means Circles, Stars or Hearts only and in the exact right place, absolutely no checks, x's or question marks. All pages must be completed by the end of the week regardless of students understanding or the fact that they absolutely refused to do the work or sit in their chairs.

Main Complaints: Why is there a ________ written on my childs page? Why hasn't my child finished their work this week? My child refused to work? Well its your job to make them!

5. Open class: Where all of the moms sit in on my class and watch their kids. Its a performance, its rehearsed, its pressured an pushed down my throat and I am not ashamed to say that I had a full scale, full blown panic attack in front of my boss because of it.

Main Complaints: Just guess a complaint and it will be one. I dare you.

6. Record and Report ANY and EVERY bump, bruise, cut, hangnail, hit, scratch, kick, pen mark, or name call. This is a big one. The parents are in constant "frienemy" mode with the other students parents. If there is any fighting or slight in any way, often the moms with march right to the school and threaten to disenroll the child.

This is only six of the major hot points here. When something goes wrong, what follows are angry parents who tell the director, who blames the vice-director, who blames the teachers. The parents say jump, the administration says "How high? Can I get you a coffee while I'm at it? Back massage?" Then they turn around, glare, and say "Hey teachers... you aren't doing enough. Do more."

Subsequently, it makes it hard not to get frustrated with the kids because we are scared out of our brains that they are going to mess us up and we will get into hot water with our high strung bosses. I'm patient to no end, but when one of my autistic students, whose mother is in complete denial, won't (or can't) sit down, won't (or can't) do his work or won't (or can't) stop beating up other students and then his mother complains that we aren't doing his job, it feels like I might just explode with aggravation.

I'm noticing, in my reading, that even korean parents are accusing other korean parents of being too harsh or insensitive. There blooms what seems to be a new culure of parenting push that is eclipsing even the high stakes of private and public early schooling. Yes, parents are still pushing their children past their limits with school and recreational activities, but there seems to now be a more relaxed way about it with a few of the moms here at my school. This is encouraging to me just because I come from a country where the kids are given lots of R and R before, during and after schools if only to handle them better behaviorally.

Toddlers and Tiaras? Bitch Please.

This article is heavily biased. I get that. I can't expect cultures to be like mine, I can't repremand them or be accusitory based on my own opinions passed to me from the good ol' USA. We do things that piss off other countries all the time, we do things that may seem completely rediculous to them. Trust me, I'm not writing this to offend anyone or cause people to look badly on the parenting culture of Koreans. But I do have to put it out there as an expat pulled into the brave new world of teaching in a different country. Bear will me. I am but an American in South Korea. 

Here's the real thing that I can't help but mention. Parents work just as hard as their children... at least most do. So, when it comes time to Saturdays and Sundays with their little ones the family explodes with closeness.

Sometimes, it explodes in plaid!

While overbearing, mothers and fathers are in love with their children. They love them so much and want only the best for them.

Sometimes to the point of hemmohaging

Despite the view we expat teachers here have of the student/school dynamic, it is a fact of Korea, and one that will likely not change significantly. The best way to shy away from the heat is to stay out of the kitchen, so to speak. So if you are coming here anytime soon, ask yourself.... are you teacher enough for one of the worlds toughest educational systems?

If the answer is no, It't time to rethink your job options.

The Baffling: Driving in Korea

I wanted to start posting some articles simply about what baffles me about this country. Nothing bad, nothing offensive, I LOVE Korea...  just some things that are different and take some getting used to.

The Issue: Driving. 

Koreans are NOT bad drivers. Lets get that straight. They are the best goddamned drivers in the whole goddamned universe. Take my word for it. If you can park a car in a space that's only 8 feet long, If you can navigate tiny narrow side alleys that also have cars parked in them and not get a dent in your side, If you can go a million miles an hour and stop on a dime, then you are a good driver. Korean's have amazing reflexes, great spacial skills and an ability to handle a vehicle no American can. However...

That is not a parking space, sir.

There seems to be a manual somewhere about traffic laws, safety and... er... logic that has either been thrown to the wind or forgotten. Please enjoy this video for an example of said wayside text.

I must confess, when I initially came here, I was scared out of my mind to cross the street. Now cars are like the deadly yet temperate animal which creeps up beside me in the street while I am walking... the menacing cat which brushes against my leg when least expected... the snake which, if I don't disturb it and stay out of its way, wont kill me.

Screw it, I'll just take the subway...

The rules of the road here are thus:

1. Cars have the right of way.
2. There is a little bit of room, I can probably fit.
3. I'm late, get out of my way.
4. Yield? Stop Sign?
5. Oh! I missed the entrance! Oh well 6 point turn right here right now! Reverse!
6. Red lights mean proceed with caution. Look both ways first.
7. A sidewalk is only a guideline as to where I can go. On it? Cool.
8. U Turn anywhere there is no immediate on-coming traffic. Relatively slow on-coming traffic, OK.

So, basically, no stopsigns, optional stoplights, do whatever and hope no-one dies.

Pretty much. 

 Regardless, after living here for a while, I've finally learned how to jaywalk appropriately and how to dodge U-turning death machines. I was actually with a friend the other day who parked on the turn corner of a sidewalk and was just like "okay, cool, not a parking place but whatever". I really am starting to adapt. I swear.

But then... there's taxis...

I will get you there for 2,000 won if it kills you!

Fast and deadly efficient. These cabs will take you anywhere you want for the low low price of 5,000 won and possibly your life. Cab drivers take corners like stunt men, straightaways like they are in the italian job, and your money like "hey it's no big deal your hearts on the floor". Oh, also, seatbelts are incredibly rare in these babies, and in most cars here. In and out. Get out, you sweaty, hard-breathing pale-faced American!

I hesitate to even mention bikes, motorbikes and ATV's all of which are allowed on sidewalks and in alleys and up porches and onto your lap.

Wheeeee!!!

The moral of this story, and what baffles me, is pretty much how I actually got used to this kind of wheel/engine operated organized chaos. I have to stress again that I will never feel safer than in a car with a Korean (even some cab drivers) 'cause if it was me on the road, I'd be dead 3 times over from either stress or a serious head on collision. I just don't have the skill or the guts. I've even been told by some friends that North American drivers are "way to slow!!"

With that I'm gonna leave you with a TLDR post courtesy of Eat Your Kimchi blog. No seriously. Watch it. It's worth it, especially if your new here. I'm doing this for you and possibly your life.  Do it. I dare you.

You Are What You Eat... (Part 1)

Ohhh gosh.... if that were true, I'd look pretty interesting right about now.

As I mentioned before, Curtis and I are 4 months into Korean living. We are noobs. Green in the teeth. Pretty foreign. Walking around here is kinda like walking around blind and deaf mostly because we never have any idea what we are getting into. Like food. Especially food.

So far, I have separated Korean Eating into 10 basic food groups:

1. School Food
2. Korean Food
3. Kinda-Korean Food
4. American Food
5. Pasta
6. 7-11 Food
7. Easy Food
8. Drinks
9. Sweets
10: Thing I will Never Eat Ever

This blog is going to take you through my personal experience eating in Korea, and may get a little to informative at times, mostly because I'm writing with other Newbie Korea Goers in mind. It's extensive and so is made in 2 parts. But First, A little background. I've never been too much of a picky eater. I have a few dietary needs though... I grew up not eating any kind of mammal meat: No Pork, No Beef. That's the rule, that's how my parents raised me. I also have an aversion to eggs which I will get into later. My husband however, is a little picky at home, but only with the simpler sets of foods (i.e. the exact opposite of me). If it tastes good, he'll eat it. With all that in mind, lets begin. 

1. School Foods 

The down-home basics. Must be palatable to small children and therefore is mostly palatable to me. Unfortunately this is all the food one gets during the day and the portions are relatively small. If you can't eat it because it has some kind of beef or pork, sucks to be you. So whats left is often this: 

Yum.

Sometimes broth, Rice, Kimchi and Fruit. It's no wonder I'm losing weight as fast as I am. As bare-bones as it looks, i'm far from starving. The rice that you see is actually a nutritious mixed grain rice I jokingly call "Blue Rice". I actually haven't had white rice more than twice since i've been here, mostly because Korean's know its not that good for you. They serve foods that will be the most healthy for the kids, so the result is what you see here. Sometimes I get some lovely chicken in small portions, or tofu. My boss's main motto is "Oooo you don't eat??". So I try to make it look like I'm eating at least a little. 

2. Korean Food

After work comes the every-day struggle of "uh.... I can't read anything... where should we eat?". We walk up and down the street, stop outside of restaurants for long periods of time, and wonder if we should go in. This is a lot of work... often we get too hungy, give up and go for Food Group #7: Easy Food. But sometimes we perservere. This section is for the not-so culturally clumsy. Please allow me to interject: Korean food is A LOT of flavor. Its about bringing harmony taste... bitter, sweet, salty, sour, bland, spicy... and this is a lot to take for many foreigners. Korean food is an acquired taste for many, so don't get discouraged if you don't like eating korean food at first. Here goes!
  

Setting the Table
The first time I went to a Korean restaurant was actually fairly spur of the moment... at a bus station leaving seoul. Luckily, I had had teacher's orientation where I learned the ropes. First... table settings.
This is a basic Korean restaurant table:

Cozy

You are served a bottle of filtered water, smallish cups made of ceramic and tin and have access to a box of silverware and a small box of tissues (napkins). There is also a little call button you push when you are ready to order. Keep in mind to order everything at once... they bring you your check immediately and you take it up to pay when you are finished eating. Try not to split checks if you can help it, one of the main deals with Korean dining is that all dishes are shared. Anyway, your silverware looks like this:

You get a spoon and chopsticks. Korean chopsticks are slim, not round and are made of silver. They take a while to use... but once you learn, those wooded panda express ones will be super easy. It often helps to use the spoon in your left hand to scoop food onto or vice-versa. Once your seated and ready... its food time.

The Traditional Korean Meal

Overall, a shocking experience. I made the mistake of being really hungry the first time I tried this in the states and had to go out for Taco Bell right after. This is an example of a big Korean meal, called Ssambap.

Here is is... all laid out.

Here is another version of the picture, featuring things I can actually eat:

Basically fish and lettuce.

 Sooo... traditional Korean food is not so much fun for me personally. But if you are adventurous, I really suggest giving it a try. It's broken down into a few main parts. There is a main dish in the center (somewhat) such as fish or beef. The main dish is surrounded by Banchan, side dishes. Here is a small guide to Banchan. Source: http://www.columbuscrave.com/content/stories/2013/03/issue/guide-korean-banchan-101.html 

1. Miyeok julgi bokkeum: Sauteed sea plant, also called seaweed stems. They’re crunchy, a little chewy and briny in flavor.

2. Kongnamul muchim: Soybean sprouts. Cold, crunchy and flavored with sesame oil.

3. Baechu kimchi: Napa kimchi, a spicy fermented cabbage.

4. Ggakdugi: Radish kimchi, moderately spicy fermented turnip cubes.

5. Hobak namul: Sauteed zucchini with sesame seeds.

6. Cheonsachae: Pickled kelp noodles. They take on a purple hue because they’re cooked with red cabbage.

7. Gamja jorim: Potatoes and carrots cooked in a sweet soy marinade and served at room temperature. MY ALL TIME FAVORITE

8. Miyeok: Seaweed with shredded radish. Mild vinegar flavor.

9. Gamja bokkeum: Lightly pan-fried shredded potato with carrot.

10. Uh mook jorim: Stir-fried fish cake strips. Mildly fishy in flavor, a little starchy and chewy.

11. Oi moochim: Spicy fresh cucumber. MY SECOND FAVORITE

Seriously though, if it weren't for these little potatoes, I'd have gone home by now

If we are talking about Banchan though, lets take a Kimchi break...

Kimchi

Kimchi is Korea's national dish and as a result there are over 100 varieties of it. It takes some getting used to to eat it, but after 4 months here i'm finally starting to get the hang of the taste (if not the smell).

Stinky Good

Kimchi is made from fermented vegetables, not just cabbage, and can be considered a type of pickle (no, not pickles, pickle. there is a difference). It's extremely nutritious... one serving can give you 50% of your daily Vitamin C and Carotene. It is also chock full of good bacteria for your digestive health. Here are some types of Kimchi:

Kimchi is served with EVERYTHING. Make no mistake, you cannot come to Korea and avoid Kimchi.

Tteok

Gluttonous Rice Cake. I spent a good 10 minutes trying to explain to a Korean friend why Foreigners don't have a taste for tteok. We are used to Japanese rice cakes like the kind we find in Mochi (which BTW is Japanese for rice cake.) Korean Tteok has an altogether different consistency. Its at times both gooey to the point of choking you and difficult to bite.I get this stuff for snacktime at school almost every day...

Tteok covered in sweet powder... this is the stuff that will choke you. The kids LOVE it

Tteok balls, often filled with brown sugar paste

More savory Tteok made with vegitables. Also good.

Tteok is a favorite among most if not all Koreans. I personally like it a lot. You can find variations of it in cut cylinders for other dishes or simply as a pastry.

Guk

Soup. I'm a soup-a-holic... that's all I eat back home because its the greatest culinary invention ever. Here, soup is both mandatory and necessary. I spent a good portion of my first weeks here squinting at labels trying to find the Hangul: 닭고기 which means chicken as opposed to anything that looked like 불고기 which is beef. (The voice in my head always says 'Okay, so if its a little man standing on a backwards S its beef! My Hangul interpretation sucks.). I realizes that most soups are made from soy broth, or clear beef broth and E-mart DOES NOT sell chicken stock.

This is me happily eating my favorite Tteokguk before I realized I was eating clear beef broth. 

Upon realizing that I was going to go insane trying to figure out which meat broth I was drinking, I just decided to thank the poor soybean, fish or unfortunate cow whose meat juices I was drinking and move on with my life. Its the one food sacrifice I have made in order to preserve my sanity. Sanity saved, here is some highly recommended Guk served in anonymous broth which I will try not to think about:

Made with soybean shoots and clear broth

Minus the beef Tteokguk is a lunar new year soup and is fabulous... made with rice cake!

Made with Kelp... this one takes some getting used to but its very close to Japanese Miso

So those are some pretty standard, what-to-expect Korean foods I thought necessary to put here. The next few sections won't be as extensive, that last one was mostly a culture lesson. Coming up are the...

3. Kinda-Korean Food

I call them "Kinda-Korean Foods" because they are easier to eat than the traditional Korean foods in the previous section. These are the foods you might find to be less daunting as a foreigner and they are the things you can eat every day should you choose to...

Kimbap

As you've probably guesses bap means rice. Kimbap is is the number-one lunch meal of choice for most Koreans on the go.

Wait... That's sushi...

Yup. That's Sushi. Only, it isn't. Its imitation crab, either ham, tuna, cheese, beef, chicken (you name it), Radish Pickle, Carrot, Other vegetables unknown to me, wrapped in rice and seaweed. It tastes fresh and my students love it when I have it because I pick out all the ham in mine and they get to fight over it like seagulls. Yumm!!

Bibimbap

Now, I don't like Bibimbap... there is something in the veggies that makes me make a face. But my husband LOVES it.

He prefers Dolsot Bibimbap which is the one seen above... served with an egg that fries against the side of a Dolsot (hot pot). Vegetarian Bibimbap is also the number one food of Buddhist monks here in Korea and a great cheap, nutritious country dish.

Tteokbokki
 The most fun to say in Kroean. Tteokbokki is the Korean equivalent Spaghetti O's only super hot and spicy. Its made up of Tteok cylenders and triangular fish cake smothered in a spicy sweet sauce. Its mostly served as a "snack", a quick and easy food, but can be an easy meal for foreigners.

I mistakenly thought that I liked Tteokbokki, when in fact I only liked the mild sweet kind that they serve the little kids at school. Real Tteokbokki is crazy hot. If you are first trying it, be brave and prepared for how spicy it is.

Ramyun 

This is NOT the Ramen or Cup of Noodles your mom used to give you when she was way to busy to feed you something fresh. Nope. Not the Ramen we loved to eat at school either. This is Korean Ramyun. Instant noodle. Its Spicy and full of flavor and a little daunting because there is so much of it here in many different varieties.

So much Ramyun!!

Now, I could take my chances and just eat the Ramyun and hope its not Beef, or I can squint for the Hangul that works as a tip off. My ultimate recommendation though is to spring for Chicken Bullion cubes (Emart, 6,000 won). They will last a long time and all you have to do is peel the top off one of these puppies, remove the seasoning, slip in a bullion cube and fill with hot water. The other option is to make your own veggie or fish broth and use the noodles to make a soup. You an always add beans, which you can get at the market, chop up some veggies, or stir fry with soy sauce, soybean oil and brown sugar. Ramyun noodles are highly diverse in use.

Mmmm....

And Psy likes it too!!

Jajanmyun (Black Noodle)
  
My all time favorite food here. You can usually find it without Beef or Pork, or make it yourself. Black Noodle is actually considered a "Chinese Food" and you can usually only find it at Chinese Restaurants here.

Black Noodle with Fried Veggies!!!!

Hungry yet?

Black noodle is a chow mein style noodle covered in a black bean sauce. The sauce has a meat and and/or a veggie mixed in and is salty, sweet and savory all at once.

I fully plan on taking this recipe home. Even though Curt hates it.

The sauce (Above) can also be put over rice and makes for an excellent full meal.

Japchae (Glass Noodle)

Like Black Noodle, Japchae is a common noodle dish that is easy to find and easy to eat. It is made up of glass noodles, veggies and optional meat, eaten hot or cold, and perfect as a side or plain meal.

If you're close to an Emart, you can put an easy Korean meal together using the prepped food they have (Japchae, Kimbap and sweet chicken).




Korean Curry-Rice

This one is a special treat... Curry is really popular here in Korea and thanks to Ottogi brand (like Swanson) you can make it veggie or with your pick of meat.

I love Curry here in Korea. Its easy to make, easy to eat. You probably can't find it in too many restaurants, but regardless, its one of those foods that can be accessed when nothing else can.

Lets keep moving, shall we? On to some more fun and interesting dishes....

4. American Food

The Korean interpretation of American Food can be quite... informative. In America, we have Panda Express, Bento Box, various Mongolian BBQ... but most Korean food in America is pretty accurate. American food in Korea consists of: Pizza, Hamburger, Hot Dogs and Pork Cutlet. 

Thats right. I said Pork Cutlet. 

No matter how hard they try though, there are just some things that aren't accessible in Korea and all the food has some sort of Korean spice to it which makes it taste unavoidably Korean. No matter though, its still good to eat if you can swing it.  Here's an example of a Korean Pizza... you can find this at Dominos or Pizza Hut here.
 

When the rule is "how much stuff can we put on it!!???"

Hamburgers are pretty normal, run of the mill, but they put as much sauce on it as they can... mustard mayo and ketchup. They added Bulgogi burger and Shanghai Spice Chicken to their MacDonalds Menu over here, so it keeps the concept in Southeast Asia. 

Another thing that Koreans are extremely proud of and rightfully so, is their fried chicken. Oh. My. God. There is nothing as good as Korean Fried Chicken. They seemed to have perfected the process beyond anything we could have done if only because they have access to different spices.

Eat me.

 
Aside from the obvious revolutionizing of the fried chicken, there is this nifty invention...

Yup. Chicken goes on top, soda goes on the bottom.

At any time, you can find some sort of American franchise here, at least in the cities. Pizza Hut, Dominoes, Starbucks, MacDonalds, Taco Bell, Dunkin Donuts (Korea runs on Dunkin apparently), Baskin Robbins and much much more. At any time you can eat here, but be warned, it wont taste the same. Except MacDonalds. That tastes EXACTLY the same. 

So that's 1-4 of my basic korean food groups. If you aren't hungry yet, the next post, Part 2,  is sure to satisfy. Snack Foods, Korean Fast Food, what to expect of beverages and desserts... all  strange, unusual and really great. 

 Bon Appetit!  

Oooohhh... Fashion

Okay so when I packed my two HUGE bags to come here back in February, I wish I really would have done a little research. Not research involving what to be prepared for, language etc... I did enough of that. The fact of the matter is I packed all the wrong clothes. 

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, for the last 3 months I have been a victim of the worlds most intensive wardrobe malfunction marathon in at least my own personal history. Function, fashion, poor packing and sizing has all collided in what could be considered the epitome of clothing catastrophes and I am continuously struggling to keep up. 

What I knew about Korean fashion amounted mostly to what I had seen on Instagram (Which was, by the way, both accurate and helpful, feel free to follow Korean Fashion on Instagram to support the cause). However, while I packed my bags hoping for a good mix of seasonal clothing that would fit me and be acceptable in the workplace, I failed to see a future of child-chasing, freezing temperatures, debilitating humidity, rapid weight loss (but not enough to really fit anything perfectly), awkward sizing, centimeters and millimeters, polyester and poorly sewn garments. Along with that, the constant stares of being a chubby white girl in a country full of women who have their own ideas of beauty... none of them really including me exactly, makes for an interesting experience.

Although I am told I make a mean Korean Cute Face...

Rawr

Anyway, upon getting here I could make an extensive list of things in a box in my in-laws garage or in the closet at my parents house (you know, the things I removed at the last minute so my suitcase was underweight) that would actually fit me and be fabulous wearing here in Pohang. Unfortunately, that list goes in the dump because what are in my closet here are mis-matchy frumpy work clothes, a shit-ton of leggings and some graphic tees that nobody cares about. What was I thinking? 

So fine, yup, mistake made... where do we go from here? Clothing is expensive no matter where you get it here in Korea. Unfortunately the cheapest place to get new clothes are subway stations and farmers market racks, those of which are few and far between. There's G-market, the amazon of Korea, but once you navigate that, the problem is more of a fitting issue. 

Im 5'4", 200 lbs and relatively full in the thigh/hip area. I have a bust, and I'm wide around. This is me: 

Hi!

I know, I'm pretty adorable. Regardless of how cute I am in this bundled-up picture, the overall effect of fashionista is not really achieved here. I want to be awesomely dressed Korean style. Why? Cause Korean fashion is devastatingly awesome. Here are the  10 main rules:

1. Layer
2. Oversized stuff is awesome. 
3. Leggings are a need, not a want. 
4. Don't show too much decolletage, its tacky and weird you silly American!
5. Sunglasses and headwear. 
6. "Bag Lady" gear is also awesome. 
7.  No shorts are too short (same with skirts... especially with skirts)
8. Sneakers of all types regardless of color match everything. 
9. Bows, ruffles, sequins, asymmetrical cuts and flower print... all feminine all the time. 

10: Make this face always when taking pictures.

So this is what you come up with if following the rules:

Shorts and tights!? Ball caps and slouch purses!? LEG WARMERS!? *drool*

Sweatshirts and baseball jackets with shorts and booties!? OH EM GEE! 

There is an obvious lack of pants in the above picture. That seems to be the main rule here for both summer and winter... legs get longer, pants get shorter, and you'd better cover up your upper body.

But the boots make up for the fact that you can't find her pants.

And a BLAZER!? who comes up with this stuff...!? It's all very exciting.

They look so happy in their hats and sweatshirts!

 Fashion dictates cute sweaters and layers on top because, um, duh, if your legs are uncovered you'll be nice and cool in the sweltering Korean heat! YAY!

Yeah, I made that face too.

So I shop. I shop and I shop and I spend more money on clothes than I ever have because there are no thrift stores and I-dong is expensive and I'm "Big Size". ... I can't stop missing all the clothes I know will work that are buried back home. I come up with adorable skirts, a few sqeezable tops and HEY! I fit men's pants and they look pretty damn cute! I layer. Its hot, but they Korean girls aren't hot... so I can deal right?

No. No I cannot. 

So back to the drawing board if only to avoid THIS: 

And also this...

Mmmm... bubble-gummy

But mostly THIS:

.....

I find that in the end, I can balance Fashion ad Functionality if I try to get soft-cottons, skirts, loose shirts etc. There's a great clothing line here called Uniqulo which sells a lot of soft clothing... in XL (which is really a large, but whatever). "Napping" clothing is good for the kindergarten teacher (leggings, t-shirts, cotton dresses and skirts). Cut-off shorts and altered dresses paired with "Big Size" tops and sweaters work for everyday. Here's are is my advice for a Fashionista in Korea:

1. Don't get discouraged size wise. You can do it. Pack basics. 

2. Don't care too much about matching. 

3. Accessorize. Bows, Shoes, Scarves, Belts.

4. Wear make-up. It helps protect you from pollution and it gives you the edge you need. 

5. Get a trendy, easy to maintain hair-cut and style it. It makes you look more polished.

6. You will most likely lose weight. Even when you are in the in-between zone, you can find clothes. 

7. Binge on your 1st paycheck. You need clothes there's plenty of time to save later.

8. If your bigger, try shopping maternity or mens. I do. ALL THE TIME. You get the desired look without the fight.

9. Be fearless. Use your "Foreigner" card to your advantage. Don't spend too much time adhering to norms. 

10. You will never be Korean. EVER. (unless you are Korean). Keep this in mind and don't forget to be you.

Also. Don't wear this:

They will try to temp you, but sweatsuits are not okay. EVER.

My motto each month is "Well, just a few more things and I can probably look my best." My results each month are satisfactory. Here are some selfies:

As you can see, I'm feeling pretty pleased with myself, relatively comfortable as the weather changes, and confident I can keep searching for clothes without having to kill myself over money or expectation. I'm following my own rules mixed with the Korean advice I get here and there. Overall, the disaster is slowly mending itself.. I just keep having to say relax, s'okay. Don't get all worked up 'cause there is a pile of fabulous clothing at home you cant ger to because you are thousands and thousands of miles away and---

yeah so anyway things are working out. So much so that  I'm making this face: 

You are totally jealous of my hat 

Happy Hunting!

-Jessie